Scar

"And be grateful. Our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real." 

– Dr. Hannibal Lecter, from Red Dragon.

 

Sebuah bekas luka, mungkin setiap orang memilikinya di tubuh mereka. Terkadang terlihat mengerikan atau membuat kita merinding. Tetapi bekas luka itu ada bukan tanpa arti. Selalu ada makna dibalik guratan-guratan luka yang tertorehkan. 

Ada beberapa tokoh dalam fiksi yang membahasakan makna hidup mereka dengan bekas luka, misalnya Harry Potter dengan luka di dahinya yang terjadi karena perlindungan sang ibu dari mantra kutukan mematikan Lord Voldemort. Ada pula tokoh manga Kenshin Himura dalam Samurai X, sebuah luka di sebelah pipi kiri-nya yang berupa huruf X dan membuktikan bahwa dia adalah legenda Batosai si Pembantai di masa lalu, kemudian ada Pangeran Zuko dari serial Avatar: The Last Airbender yang memiliki luka bakar di mata kirinya, yang merupakan hukuman dari Negeri Api dan membuatnya tidak bisa lagi kembali ke tahta Negeri Api kecuali dengan syarat berhasil menangkap Avatar. 

Di kehidupan nyata sikap setiap orang berbeda-beda. Sebagian dari mereka, ada yang mencoba menyembunyikannya karena terlalu menyakitkan. Ada yang sengaja menunjukkannya untuk membuktikan dia adalah seorang yang kuat. Ada yang menjadikannya sebagai ciri khas selama hidupnya. Namun ada juga yang berusaha mati-matian untuk menghilangkan bekas luka itu.

Aku pun memiliki bekas luka. Sebuah bekas luka yang ada di tangan kananku, yang aku dapat dari kecelakan dengan mobil di akhir tahun 2011. Banyak teman ataupun saudara yang menanyakan bekas luka itu. Terkadang aku hanya tersenyum meringis, terkadang menjawab seadanya atau juga berlalu mengabaikan semua pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu. Aku tak banyak memikirkan bekas luka itu hingga saat ini. Entah mengapa akhir-akhir ini setiap kali aku memulai aktivitasku seperti menulis, makan, membaca, ataupun yang lainnya. Dan melihat luka yang ada ditangan kananku itu. Aku seperti dipaksa kembali mengingat bahwa kecelakaan itu memang nyata. Aku benar-benar mengalaminya. Aku merasakan setiap detail dari ingatan akan hari itu. Tentu saja ini membuatku lebih menyadari, apa jadinya jika hari itu, ada mobil lain dari arah berlawanan yang datang dengan begitu cepat dan menabrakku yang terkapar di tengah jalan. Adakah alasan lain dari Tuhan untuk menyelamatkan aku selain dari kesempatan untuk tetap hidup dan memperbaiki diri? Kadang kita memang harus menyadari bahwa manusia memang terbatas, bukan untuk merendahkan diri dan putus asa tetapi untuk lebih mensyukuri kehidupan yang telah kita miliki dan tidak menjadi greedy.

Bekas luka lain yang membuatku terpana adalah guratan-guratan bekas luka yang ada di perut Ibu. Aku sempat memperhatikannya saat membantu mengolesi minyak kayu putih di perut Ibu ketika dia merasa tidak enak badan. Kemudian dengan bodohnya aku justru bertanya, “Ini bekas luka apa Bu?” Dengan suara pelan Ibu menjawab, “Bekas luka hamil dan melahirkan lima orang anak”. 

Aku hanya terdiam seribu bahasa mendengarnya. Aku pun memahami bahwa bekas luka itu memang nyata untuk mengingatkan kita bahwa benar adanya kita pernah berada di dalam perut ibu selama sembilan bulan sebelum akhirnya menghirup udara segar dunia. Bekas luka itu menunjukkan bahwa benar adanya seorang ibu berjuang antara hidup dan mati untuk melahirkan kita di dunia. Bekas luka itu mencoba menjelaskan bahwa kita pernah menjadi bayi tak berdaya dan lemah sebelum akhirnya tumbuh dan bertahan hidup hingga saat ini. Apalagi jika proses melahirkannya melalui jalan operasi caesar, bekas luka itu tentu lebih terlihat jelas. Tidak ada alasan sebetulnya untuk membuat hidup kita menjadi tak berarti. Banyak yang telah diperjuangkan oleh orang-orang disekitar kita hingga bisa bertahan sampai saat ini.

God tries to remembering us with many ways, including with this scar.

It is so true that scars prove you’re vulnerable, but they also show you’re a survivor.

Life and let life...

M.
Yogyakarta, Juli 2012

* Photo by Emilia Tjernström
A nomad girl, who got kicked in the forehead by a donkey when she was little. It is quite a scar. Campement, in the vicinity of the village of Tabrichat, northern Mali, January 2007. 
From: http://www.flickr.com/photos/modern_nomad/with/414643458/

The Amazing Spiderman and His Responsibility

I'm not put expectations as high as before I watched The Avengers. I'm excited because aaah finally Spidey come out, Yay! I'm actually expecting on how sophisticated the movie effect is. When I watched the trailer, oh I'm so worry about how can they changed Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone? But, the trailer quite awesome and make me curious about Spiderman's background. Then when I already watched the movie, oh how wrong I was. It was good movie and very detailed. I also like Gwen Stacy more than Mary Jane Watson. Gwen is a science student, intelligent, pure, and she doesn’t just sit and wait to be captured by Peter Parker. She also fit in with Spiderman's situation. Even the ending quite complicated but I think that this movie is setting up for a next sequel. Overall, I just like it.

Now, I want to talk about the value that put in this movie. Have you ever remember when uncle Ben said in the first or two Spiderman movies before, "With great power comes great responsibility". In the movie, the closest that line got to being spoken was Uncle Ben’s explanation to Peter; “Your father had a principle; that if you could do good things for people, you have a moral obligation to do those things. Not a choice, a responsibility!”. I think it is a very important quote, not just in comic or movie, but in real life. As uni student who majoring at political and law science, I tried to bringing up power quoted by Lord Acton,  "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely". It is about the responsibility of those in possession of that power to use it to do the wrong thing, it was never been easy to have more power. I think this movies try to intricate piece of social commentary on the use and misuse of power.

For example, if all politicians saw their office as a responsibility, not a means of furthering their own power or goals, the world would be better place. Because if they are given the power to make decisions that affect the lives of thousands, even millions of people, it is their responsibility to make the right decision. So, imagined if our legislative members in Senayan as brave as Spiderman. Brave with their responsibility and accountability toward society and people who made them have position. 

However, all of us actually have responsibility even as individual and human being. Are you  brave enough to be like Spiderman? with great power and responsibility? Well, It is always not easy being superheroes, not even being powerful people.

“When your past is a mystery, how do you ever stop looking for the truth?” - Peter Parker

“I’ve made enemies…powerful enemies.” - Peter Parker

“Not dressing up, and not a dinosaur. He has transformed himself into a giant lizard.”

- Peter Parker

 

“I’m just no good for her.”- Peter Parker

Cheers ;)

*pictures from theamazingspidermanblog.com

Hard as Stone

Aku selalu berharap bahwa hatiku seperti batu. Keras dan terjal. Tak mudah terbang terbawa angin, ketika terjatuh tak mudah hancur dan terluka. Dingin dan angkuh untuk sekedar ditemui. Kasar dan tajam untuk sekedar disentuh. Tetap bertahan meski diterpa hujan dan api. Tetap kuat meski dilempar dan diinjak-injak. Mampu merasakan hampanya dingin di malam hari dan panasnya terik matahari di siang hari. 

 

Yah, barangkali seperti batu yang keras, tetapi dengan sendirinya akan luluh dengan rintikkan air yang terus jatuh tanpa henti dan berirama. Selayaknya filosofi batu dan air, jika berdekatan akan selalu menyatu dan tak akan pernah tahu jejaknya dari mana ia berasal.

Keinginan ini membunuhku. Karena aku tahu betul hati ini tak se-ampuh itu. Begitu mudah kau mengetuk hatiku. Membuatnya melayang menjangkau angkasa, berlayar mengarungi samudra tak bertepi. Membawanya menembus mimpi-mimpi masa depan seindah dongeng. Menjadikan aku begitu optimis menghadapi dunia yang begitu liar. Meyakinkan aku bahwa jalan menuju singasana itu ada. 

Namun kau menjatuhkannya dan menjadikannya hancur berkeping-keping.  Hingga aku ingin berteriak, sekeras-kerasnya. Menangis sepuas-puasnya. Berlari sekencang-kencang. Menyelam sedalam-dalamnya. Menempus malam kelam. Hanya untuk sekedar menahan luka. Karena itu, aku tahu betul bahwa hati ini tak sekeras batu.  
Tak seperti itu.

M.
Yogyakarta, Juli 2012.

Laws and Theories.

Laws describe, and theories explain.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT when I decided to take law as my study, but now I feel like I am poisoning this life with theories and theories that never come true. Well, not that the matter all-law-theories poisoning this life, I AM, the one who exactly confused with how laws influence theories (social and political) and vise versa. Until I read this one: Laws describe things, theories explain them. An example will help you to understand this. There’s a law of gravity, which is the description of gravity. It basically says that if you let go of something it’ll fall. It doesn’t say why. Then there’s the theory of gravity, which is an attempt to explain why. Actually, Newton’s Theory of Gravity did a pretty good job, but Einstein’s Theory of Relativity does a better job of explaining it. These explanations are called theories, and will always be theories. They can’t be changed into laws, because laws are different things. But THE PROBLEM is that's how theories works in natural science, right? well, because I'm studying theories in social matters so, it quite obvious.

In science, a theory is not a guess, not feelings. Theory is also the ultimate goal, the explanation. It’s as close to proven as anything in science can be. Some people think that in science, you have a theory, and once it’s proven, it becomes a law. That’s not how it works. In science, they collect facts, or observations, they use laws to describe them, and a theory to explain them. Scientist don’t promote a theory to a law by proving it. A theory never becomes a law. NOW, I remembered what Robert W. Cox said about theory in social science, Theory is always for someone and for some purpose. Very skeptics. He added about critical theory that does not propound remedies or make predictions about the emerging shape of things, world order for example. It attempts rather, by analysis of forces and trends, to discern possible futures and to point to the conflicts and contradictions in the existing world order that could move things towards one or other of the possible futures. In that sense it can be a guide for political choice and action. 

What do you think? I think this is the way laws finally can take a place, as political choice and action. And the characteristics, as well as theories, laws is something that maybe needs proof, not only a guess, a hunch, or fiction. No wondering if some of legal experts said that law actually is tool of social engineering. True.

Aha!

Good Bye June, Welcome July: Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

Wait. It's 2nd of July. When did this happen?! 

Hmm~ new month new chances.^^

What makes this month special is in 20 of July will be the first of Ramadhan. Yay! CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THE FIRST SUNRISE! :) 

Actually, in this month, I planned to get more exercise. I’ve been trying to stay motivated but I hope not do the same thing: go to the gym for two days then stay home for a month and  eat everything *sarcasm*. And I try to change this but then I have stress from work and uni. I wish I could stay motivated for at least 3 months and get myself back on track. I wish, I could have someone to share this journey with.

Well, in June i have been experience rafting at Magelang. I want to tell story about it, but doesn't have much time T.T probably later, hope so. Anyway, Hello July! Be nice, keep calm and prepare for Ramadhan.(^.^)/

A-C-T-I-O-N

I remember when I was able to just sit at the computer and write, not even thinking about it. Just start typing and let the words flow. 

But sometimes, have you ever feel like... can't even get one line down with over analyzing the hell out of it. The imagination is starting to fade and so is with the concentration. You can't even finish a book. Try to start, but within a few minutes the words clump together and you can't focus. 

Then start asking questions such as; What has become of me? When did I become this person? This isn’t how I imagined myself to be. The person who just can’t get anything done, has the most disturbing thoughts, can’t even do the simplest things anymore, and is just plain pathetic at times. You just stuck and asking desperately for get-me-out-of-here.

I’m reminded that change doesn’t have to keep us S-T-U-C-K like that. I love being stuck in the past. Always thinking of what could of happened. But I also need to learn how to move on to new things. We convince ourselves that things are fine.

It just means we need to take some A-C-T-I-O-N.

Aha! ;) 

It’s already June?!

Halfway through the year! Now usually I don’t pay attention to the dates anymore. I run on two uni every week so I usually don’t know what the date is, or even the day actually, it is examination months (because I have three weeks only for examinations) T.T

I’ve stopped paying attention to time, well dates, ever since the end of uni just because then I think I’ll think too much about it and then it’ll depress me looking back at the year so far and how I haven’t actually achieved anything. And perhaps there’s also other reasons too that stem way too far down where the planting wounds have already healed. So let’s not go there.

Well, the truth is because I tried hard to remembering someone’s birthday recently so that does make sense that I realize fully: it’s already June!

So yeah. I’m quite oblivious to everything until it gets to the end of the year. Then another year. Then the end. Then another...Then yeah. This is Life.

I just wish in the next days, months, years, I can always be better and better, for my own sake and for the sake of the people that I love. Well, this is kind of an early wish, but its okay. Happy June! :)